It’s ironic that I’m writing this blog in February. Bill Simmons, half of the inspiration for this entry, wrote a column describing his take on Rules for Being a True Fan back in 2001. The other half of the inspiration is since college basketball is getting into full swing, I have friends on my Facebook who are willing to devote time out of their lives to talking about college basketball during a month that doesn’t end in -arch.

I don’t like college basketball. I hate it. I hate it mostly because the team that I should be getting behind, Nebraska, never has a team worthy of getting behind. Nebraska hasn’t gone to the tourney since 1998 when Tyronn, Cookie, and Danny were rolling.

Quoting Bill Simmons: “18. If you live in a city that has fielded a professional team since your formative years, you have to root for that team. None of this, “The Bengals weren’t very good when I was growing up in Cincy, so I became a Cowboys fan” crap. Also, you can’t start rooting for a team, back off when they’re in a down cycle, then renew the relationship once the team starts winning again. All those Cowboys fans who jumped off the bandwagon in the late-’80s, jumped back on during the Emmitt/Aikman Era, then jumped back off in the late-’90s … you know who you are. You shouldn’t even be allowed out in public. (There’s nothing worse than a Bandwagon Jumper. If sports were a prison and sports fans made up all the prisoners, the Bandwagon Jumpers would be like the child molesters — everyone else would pick on them, take turns beating them up and force them to toss more salads than Emeril Lagasse.)” I apply this rule to Nebraska because IT IS THE ONLY RELEVANT ATHLETICS HERE. We get Royals baseball, but who the hell wants to root for the Royals? According to the rule, we don’t have to either. I’m pretty sure a couple of my friends had gone to Chiefs or Broncos games, so they chose one of them to root for. But I’m not talking about professional team allegiance. If you’re from Nebraska, Nebraska should be the college team you root for (excluding alumni, son or daughter of alumni, or actually attending the school).

This brings me to why I hate college basketball in months that don’t end in -arch madness. Nebraska hasn’t ever been a relevant basketball team, and because of this peers in my age group chose favorite college basketball teams based on stupid factors. “If you’re between the ages of 20-40, you’re a fan of the Yankees, Cowboys, Braves, Raiders, Steelers, Celtics, Lakers, Bulls, Canadiens and/or Oilers, and you’re not actually from those one of those cities … well, you better have a reason that goes beyond ‘When I was picking a favorite team as a kid, they were the best team, so I picked them.’” This rule applies to Duke, Arizona, Kansas, UCONN, Kentucky, and Florida. Two of my friends, who actually attend Nebraska, both root for one of these teams (one Duke, one Arizona). The rule applies to Duke especially. I wasn’t even BORN (I’m 21), the last time the Cameron Crazies missed the tournament. Also, rooting for Duke is like rooting for cancer. The two words that exemplify Duke: Bobby Hurley. This guy would hustle in and out of the huddle like he was a teacher’s pet. Everyone hates that kid. He’s the kid who would probably ask to do more wind sprints. Steve Wojciechowski was probably worse but Bobby Hurley is the personification of the cancer that is the evils of Duke Basketball. I HATE DUKE!!!

Another stupid factor is the people who root for North Carolina. Why do people in Nebraska root for North Carolina? It makes no sense, except that the best basketball player to ever lace them up played for the Tar Heels. From 1981-84. His college career ended before I was born as well. What keeps UNC and Jordan linked together? Nike. Which makes me believe that rooting for UNC is just like having brand loyalty. It makes no sense. Buying an Apple computer is stupid because you have to pay $1000 more just for the name, why root for North Carolina just because of Michael Jordan? Bill Simmons loves Larry Bird, he doesn’t root for Indiana State. I understand the love for Michael Jordan (the number 23 in jack23 is because of Michael Jordan), but for the college he left behind 24 years ago?

It’s not that I hate college basketball, it’s because my team sucks. I’d get into if I had more motivation to be into it. It must be what Clippers “fans” deal with. We’re used to winners around here (five football national titles, three in four years; three in volleyball as well). But right now, the only thing that gets me interested in college basketball is the brackets (hard to do when you don’t follow it the whole season) and Gus Johnson.

sources: sportsguy.net

goduke.com

ncaa.org